. Monday, mucus, madness

Monday 14 January 2013

Monday, mucus, madness


As I arrived at the station this morning, I knew I was in trouble. The board had no concrete times or destinations and the platform was already filling fast. I managed to stay away from a group of tourists with impossibly large suitcases and took what I thought was a good spot near the end of the platform. I watched nervously into the distance, hoping to see the train approach, but all I could see was person after person arriving on the platform through the morning mist like an eldritch conveyor belt of horror.


Then the train arrived. My buttocks clenched and I prepared for battle. I had positioned myself so that when the train arrived, I would be slightly off to the side of a door. I had not reckoned with the other commuters.They all immediately jammed onto the already-full train as an immovable force, trapping some poor souls trying to get off. Side-snipers snuck in before their turn and society as we know it temporarily faltered.

I managed to get on, clutching my small bag like a life raft and found myself face to face with a beleaguered looking woman. The next thirty minutes went by in a daze as I fought to keep balance against the wave of uncoordinated bodies pulsing back and forth, waiting for the chance when I could finally get off. Someone’s arm was in my face and I was being spooned by an unseen crotch. Face to face with this woman, we both tried to look elsewhere as we were mere centimetres away, both in mutual understanding of awkwardness.

Suddenly I saw her eyes water, her nose wrinkled and panic set into her tired eyes. I knew what was coming, and I knew there was no way to avoid it. One could hope though. For what seemed like an age, we teetered on the edge of her sneeze; it was all in god’s hands. Then I knew it was over. I gave her a small nod, her eyes closed, I closed my own and turned my head to the side as much as possible and resigned myself to what followed.

As I got off 15 minutes later, I enjoyed getting the bloodflow back into my arms and began to form the mental blocks to protect me from the horrors of the first train. I approached the next platform and saw a horde descend on an already bursting carriage. I sighed, steeled my gaze and stepped into the heaving mass. 

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