Species of Tube Traveller #8 - The Blocker

Either through ignorance or a malevolent agenda, The Blocker is always present on most carriages and does its best to make sure people have as much trouble as possible when getting on and off a train. A reasonably intelligent person knows that when a train stops at a platform, people are most likely going to be trying to get in, and get out. The role of the Blocker is simple: stand directly in front of the door and not move an inch to let people on or off, not matter how much space there is behind them. They will endure a fair amount of jostling and evil looks as they hold their ground, leading researchers to believe they have little more intelligence than a beetle’s big toe.

The Blocker

Of course, we could be mistaken. The Blocker may actually be in the employ of London Underground as a method of crowd control, having to carry out a thankless task to slow the flow of commuters. This is highly unlikely and we prefer to go with the hypothesis that they are idiots. When coming across a blocker, please do not be afraid to look at them with incredulousness or even push past them if need be. We would never endorse any physical actions during the course of our research, but not to worry; their thick skulls and armour of idiocy ensures that these creatures will endure and barely notice any external stimulus.

Habitat – Train carriages, riot squads

Special Skills – Getting in the way, not budging, standing their ground

Weaknesses – Roller skates, common sense, children